Day 08: What led you to where you are right now?
Last year in January I was going through a really hard time. I had ended a relationship and was feeling very lost and uncertain about my future. It wasn't that I thought my relationship would have led me to all my happiness, but when it ended, I realized that I had spent so much time being so unhappy with it and losing my best friend that I was confused about what I wanted anymore. I didn't know where I was heading and I wasn't sure where to turn. Probably why my relationship wasn't working out as well because I didn't know if it was what I wanted any more too. I also was already making my parents' lives miserable by being miserable with moving in with them and living in a state I knew no one and I had not spent that much time with the people I now miss terribly. I had not been a good friend and I had not been very good to myself.
I started thinking about what it was that I had wanted to do and my mom reminded me that when I was in high school I had said I wanted to travel in my life and I wanted to go places. Well, being single, in my twenties and no real commitments any where, I decided that I would research different teaching programs abroad and see if I could get a job. And obviously I did. Once I figured out that this was where I wanted to be, things got better. I was happier, I felt better about myself and I was generally a better friend(I'd like to think at least). I went out more and did more things with friends. I was nicer to my parents. I dated new people. I got back together with my boyfriend eventually. I was happier and I was in a better place.
And I'm back to where I was a year ago. My job contract is only for one year and I KNOW I need to figure out what I might be doing in a year from now. Am I going to stay in South Korea for another 6 months? Or am I going to move back to the states and not have a job for a while and wait a year till I go to grad school? Should I start looking into another country to move to and work there?
These things bother me because I still do not have a clear idea of where I am heading in my life and it affects my psyche.