Again, lack of posts. Writing is slowly getting put on the back burner. Though I should really be paying more attention to this aspect of my life. I am trying to understand the direction my life is taking, and I am unsure of what type of Master's program to apply for in the next couple years. Next year though, I am looking into going abroad and actually SEEING the world. I know a lot of people saw this movie, Eat, Pray, Love but the book is phenomenal. I guess it's what started this whole new though process of refinding my passion.
While I am enjoying the work I am doing now, I am also missing being in WI. I miss my friends and I miss what I had there. My two year relationship is over and I'm having a hard time. And around this time of the year, it's hard to not miss the people who you love. But just like the heroine of the movie, I was just unhappy with where I was a year ago. In school, not sure where my future was going, in a relationship where I love the other so much but I just couldn't figure out what I wanted. And I still don't know now. I want these next years to be that, learning what I want. I don't have the resources to fund spending a year just traveling, so I'm hoping to get into a teach English as a second language program.
Yet though, I am making great friends here and now, I couldn't have passed this experience up for anything. I feel like this year is my first part of my story. Taking a year to give back. While at times I wish it was more hands on and I saw more of the difference, I know that I am doing a lot of good. I'm learning a lot as well being at this school and working with this program. So maybe the first word in my own version of Eat, Pray, Love is Serving.
I feel that the volunteer work I do right now is helping me look at what I got as a child. While this private school is filled to the brim with uppity brats, there are the few that I have gotten to know that do volunteer work because it makes them feel good and they love doing it. They don't do it for recognition anymore, they are not doing it to make their college applications look better, they are not doing it because their parents are making them, they are doing it because they want to. Of course, some of them volunteer because of those reasons and while they are not bad reasons, I had the same reason for volunteering in high school, those students are just not as excited about it. The students who have that passion are great to work with and inspire me. That inspiration is great and does help when I'm sitting at my desk staring at my computer screen and wondering what the heck I should be doing! It's funny to think and go back to where I was in 2006, waiting to hear back from colleges and trying to to figure out what I wanted to do. Did I want to go into architecture? Did I want to go into journalism? Did I just want to go into English? I had no idea! I thought college would help me pick a passion, but it didn't.
So now, I'm cynical about finding a passion for my life and maybe it's time that my passion just be living my life! Why not? I have nothing (besides an empty bank account) keeping me from living my life to it's fullest. Serving is helping fill a hole I have, fulfilling my need to give back. This year isn't really all about me, it's about what I can do to make something better. I need to just enjoy this experience because I don't want to look back next year and think I should have done something differently. It's time to just enjoy life.